Who dunnit?
by ROSSELLA1
Summary: The BAU works on what seems to be a simple case, right in their own office, but what happens when one by one the unsub targets them in the most malicious ways possible?
1. Chapter 1

Ch1

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"Morning!" Reid said brightly, entering the bull pen with a tray of styrofoam cups. "Anyone want coffee?"

"Mmm…read my mind!" Morgan grinned and rose to take the cup.

"Sure!" Prentiss seconded.

Reid turned to Seaver, studying at her desk. "Thanks, but I already have some." She held up a travel mug.

"Thanks, Pretty Boy, I- SPSH!" Morgan cut himself off by doing a spit take, followed barely a moment later by Prentiss. "What the-"

"April Fools!" Reid snickered.

"What?" Seaver asked.

"It's ice water!" Emily rolled her eyes. "Very funny, Reid, you got us."

"Come on, man, jokes are supposed to be funny!" Morgan snapped, slamming his cup into the trash and storming off in the direction of the locker room.

Reid looked wide-eyed at the two women.

"I thought it was funny." Seaver offered."

Prentiss shrugged. "You fooled us."  
>Reid smile a bit. "Is Garcia here yet?" He asked.<p>

…..

Overhead, Rossi and Hotch leaned on the railing, watching.

"Well that was extreme." Hotch remarked. "Usually Morgan's much more collected than that."

Rossi shrugged. "Who can blame him? We've had four cases back to back in the past few weeks. I think we all need a break."

Hotch nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." Suddenly, he straightened up. "I think I'm going to go talk to Strauss; see if we can have a day or two of office work."

"Good luck!" Rossi sighed, clapping Aaron on the back. "Let me know if you need me to back you up!"

….

Half an hour later, Hotch sighed as he exited Erin Strauss' office and headed towards the bull pen.

"I take it it didn't work out?"Rossi asked, falling into step beside him.

"Oh, it worked." Hotch frowned. "But only to a degree."

"Meaning?"

"I'll explain it in a moment." Hotch replied as they reached the pen.

"Everybody in the conference room." Hotch called out, being met with groans and reluctant stirrings. When they had all gathered in the room. Hotch stood at the front of the room. "I know we've had a rough time lately so I talked to Strauss and I managed to get us… well, a less strenuous case. One we can work from here in the Office.

"Here at the BAU?" Rossi commented. "This should be interesting."

"It appears that there has been an increase in reports of missing items around the office. Mostly small things; watches, staplers, things that could be easily misplaced but also things like purses and wallets."

So we've got a kleptomaniac around." Morgan said dismissively . "So?"

"You know it's interesting." Reid interjected. "The name kleptomaniac is vastly overused. Most people assume that just because some steals repeatedly they do so compulsively but that's-" He broke off as he saw Hotch staring at him . "Right. Sorry.."

Hotch wanted a moment. "Strauss wants us to observe people and how they interact with others; try to find out who it is or even if it's just an unlucky month."

"You're kidding." Prentiss said. "We're finding a commot thief?"

"Cool!" Garcia and Seaver exclaimed at the same time. "This'll be just like Clue!" They smiled at each other in surprise.

"Okay so the lost and found is sending up the reports. Morgan Prentiss why don't you weed out which ones we can rule as just being misplaced. Garcia, Seaver, after they've done this, why don't you take security tapes for the times things went missing. Rossi, Reid, you and I will just watch people's behavior and interactions. Okay?"

They all agreed and then left to their designated tasks."


	2. Chapter 2

Ch2

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"Well this was definitely stolen!" Prentiss said, holding up a report of a stolen purse. "No woman's going to 'misplace' her purse at work."

"Yeah, and so's this one." Morgan seconded, holding up a picture of a wallet. "But other than that…" He held up his hands.

"I know what you mean; lots of these could just be forgotten in the bathroom or slip off."

Morgan sighed. "Okay; why don't we take what we have down to Garcia and Seaver. They can see if these were taken by the same person and we can go from there."

…..

Meanwhile, Hotch, Rossi, and Reid were sitting in the Bull Pen talking about anything but the case while they watched their colleagues.

"You know the origin of April Fool's day has never been decided on?" Reid rambled.

"Is that so?" Rossi asked, feigning interest.

"Mmhm." Reid nodded. "Some people think that it started when they changed the start of the New Year from April 1st to January 1st and some people hadn't heard and others think that it points back to the biblical story of the three magi and how they tricked Herod, and still others think-" He kept going and Hotch and Rossi shared a private smile.

Hotch scanned the crowd. "You know, I hate to interrupt you, Reid," He said, "But I think I should go check up on the others."

"Oh." Reid blinked. "Okay." And then he continued his lecture, directing it at Rossi.

…..

He got to the tech. room shortly after Morgan and Prentiss did. "How are things going ?"

"Well, we haven't gone through the whole pile yet but we've found some that we think were stolen and we're going to have Garcia and Seaver go through them before we move on." Prentiss explained.

"Good." Hotch nodded. "Well, I guess I'll leave you to your work; let me know if you have any problems."

"Aye-Aye, Captain!" Garcia replied.

"Yes, sir." Seaver seconded.

…..

Hotch reentered the Bull Pen just as Reid was finishing his speech on April Fool's day. "I take it nothing earthshattering has happened?"

"Nope." Rossi sighed. "Reid was just explaining to me how different cultures celebrate April Fool's."

"Yeah, it's fascinating, really," Reid began and Hotch prepared himself to listen to another long lecture. He was saved however, by an unearthly shriek from the direction he had just come from.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch3

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

Glancing at each other, Rossi, Reid, and Hotch dashed off towards the tech room. Morgan, Seaver, and Prentiss were all staring at Garcia (who apparently was the one who had screamed).

"What happened? What's wrong?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know!" Morgan said and Prentiss and Seaver just held up their hands. "What's wrong Baby Girl?"

"M-m-my extra pair of glasses is missing!"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, where was it last?" Hotch replied in a slightly annoyed tone.

"It was right there!" Penelope gestured to one of her desks. "And then when I turned around it was gone!"

"Well, it has to be here somewhere." Morgan placed a hand on Garcia's shoulder.

"No!" She snapped, agitated that they weren't listening. "I mean, it was right there only a moment ago and now it's gone!"

"We're not going to find it unless we look." Morgan soothed. "I'm sure it'll turn up."

"But what if it was taken by the kl-kl-kleptomaniac?" Penelope replied, whispering the last word.

The team exchanged glances. "If it was then we'll find it, too." Prentiss assured her.

Penelope looked slightly mollified. "Will you guys help me look?"  
>"Of course." Seaver answered immediately, and then glanced at the team who each nodded.<p>

The team started searching but, because of the small size of the room, not all of them could fit comfortably in there; it wasn't too long before Rossi, Reid, and Hotch returned to their places back in the Bull Pen.

"Okay," Hotch sighed. "I think people will get suspicious if we're all just sitting around. So Reid, you can read or take notes; Rossi, you can bring some paperwork down here and I'll look over it."

"How come he gets the easy job?" Rossi complained.

"Because I happen to know that he's got all his paperwork done while you're a chronic procrastinator." Hotch smirked.

Rossi held up his hands, "No need to get personal!" and he headed up stairs. He had only been gone five minutes when his office door slammed open and he came storming out to the edge of the railing. "OKAY!" He shouted, causing everyone in the Bull Pen to look up. "WHO TOOK IT?"


	4. Chapter 4

Ch4

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"WELL, WHO WAS IT?" Dave growled again.

"Dave!" Aaron shouted up to him. "Calm down! It's-"  
>"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" Dave roared. "IT WASN'T YOUR PEN THAT WAS STOLEN!"<p>

At this, several agents around the Bull Pen chuckled and Aaron raised a brow. "Your pen?"

"YES!" Dave snapped, starting to make his way down the stairs. "It was on my desk when I left and now it's gone!"

"Dave," Hotch sighed, "You probably misplaced it. Look, you can borrow one of mine, I-"

"It wouldn't be the same!" Dave whined.

"And why not?" Hotch asked.

"Because." Rossi answered quietly. "Emma gave me that pen after my first case. She even had it engraved for me."

Aaron's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, Dave, I didn't-"

"It's okay." Rossi said brusquely. "I just need to find it."

Hotch nodded. "Okay. Come on." He clapped a hand on his friend's back. "I'll help you look for it. It's probably just under your desk or something." They headed back up the stairs, into Rossi's office.

"Thanks, Aaron." Dave said, bending down to look under the desk. "But I already checked there and I don't think-"

"Here." Hotch closed the door behind him and held out a pen towards Rossi.

Dave glanced back up and his eyes widened, seeing the gold pen with the words, "To Dave, love Emma", on it. Snatching it into his hand, he stared at it as if he had never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. "Where did you find it?" He asked excitedly.

"Uh…actually, I had it all along." Aaron admitted, bashfully.

"What?" Dave leaned back a bit.

"I didn't know how much it meant to you." Hotch continued.

"But, Aaron, why didn't you just ask if you needed a pen? I would have-"

"No. That's not the point." Glancing back to make sure the door was closed, Aaron took a step closer to his friend. "I'm the "kleptomaniac"." Rossi's mouth opened in surprise but closed before he could think of a word to say. "It's for April Fool's." Aaron explained. "You told me that the team needed a break and I knew that getting the whole team time off would be difficult. So I decided to create a false case. This way, they can work on something that's not as toll-taking and still be technically "working"."

"And Strauss agreed to this?" Rossi said in disbelief.

"I convinced her that too many hard cases in a short period of time were bad for the team's psychological state."

"So Garcia's glasses?"

"In the freezer." Hotch smirked. "She'll find them soon enough."

"And the other items?"

"The reports are real but I didn't take them. People are just careless with their belongings; most of them are probably just in the back of their desk somewhere. I'm only going to take things from the team; and anyway, it's not technically stealing if they're still in the building."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Rossi rolled his eyes.

"Dave, I never would have-"

"It's okay!" Rossi held up his hands. "Really. I'm just glad to have it back."

"But you won't tell anyone, right?" Hotch asked, pleadingly.

"On one condition." Hotch looked at his friend with trepidation as Dave smirked. "You count me in."


	5. Chapter 5

Ch5

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"So, Reid," Rossi said the next morning while he and the Genius were both at the coffee machine, "I've been thinking about getting another pet, one that's low maintenance, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions. I'm thinking something like a hermit crab or a goldfish?"

Reid's eyes widened. "Oh, if you want one that's low maintenance neither of those are the way to go. Hermit crabs are actually very delicate creatures and they need at least a 10 gallon tank. Then you need to buy water conditioner to get rid of the chlorine and aquarium salt so that it has fresh and salt water. Then you'd need to get at least one other crab for it to be happy and if you have two you need to make sure that you get-"

As Reid kept on rambling Hotch quietly came up behind him and palmed the container that held the sugar. Only after making sure that it was securely in his pocket did Aaron speak up. "Hey, we're meeting in the conference room in about five minutes to discuss our findings."

"Oh." Reid jumped slightly and turned to face Hotch, just noticing him. "Okay. Rossi's thinking about buying another pet and he thought that a hermit crab or a goldfish would be simple." He chuckled.

"Wouldn't it?" Hotch asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course not!" Reid exclaimed. "Like I was telling Rossi. Hermit crabs aren't nearly as easy to care for as most people think they are. They-" Hotch noticed that bowl that held the cream packets had also mysteriously disappeared and took this as his cue.

"Reid, I'm really sorry, but could you maybe tell me this after the meeting? I'd love to hear it but-"

"Great!" Reid beamed, glad that people were taking an interest in his knowledge. "We can talk about it in the Bull Pen!"

"Well, actually, I was thinking we'd switch with Morgan and Prentiss," Hotch answered, "so that people don't get suspicious. But maybe in the Conference Room or my office?"  
>"Sure thing!"<p>

"Thanks." Hotch smiled. "I'll meet you in the Conference Room."

"Bye." Reid said and Rossi gave a small wave. "So like I was saying," Reid continued, turning back to the counter. "hermit crabs need-" He paused, looking at the counter. "Hey, do you know where the cream is?"

Rossi made a show of looking in the different drawers and shrugged. "Maybe it ran out?"

"No." Reid protested. "We just got restocked yesterday and- and-and wh-where's the sugar?" He bent down and opened the cabinets, moving the plastic utensils and plates around so that he could look. After Reid was sure that it was empty, he tore open the drawers and rummaged through them. Once it became clear nothing was in there, he glanced wide-eyed at Rossi. "I-It must be the kleptomaniac!" Reid said in a strangled voice and dashed off towards the Conference Room.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch6

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"Good." Hotch started to say as Reid dashed into the room, followed by Rossi. "Now, I-"

"The kleptomaniac struck again!" Reid blurted out.

"What?" Prentiss asked.

"I was at the coffee machine and the sugar and the cream are missing!"

"So?" Seaver held a hand up sideways. "They probably just ran out or got misplaced."

"No! They restocked them yesterday and I saw them just this morning! The kleptomaniac must have taken them!"

"Okay," Hotch answered mildly, "we'll have to keep a look out for those. Now, I think we should all-"

"But wait!" Reid screeched again. " Shouldn't we investigate?"

"We will." Hotch assured. " Along with all the other items. But first we should talk about what we found. So,-"

"But we could get finger prints! Watch the footage to see who was at the coffee counter this morning!" Reid interjected.

This elicited a chuckle from Morgan. "Come on, Man. That's got to be everybody in this office. How are we supposed to narrow it down?"

"…we can eliminate a few…" Reid answered, no longer so sure of himself.

"I'm sure we can Reid." Rossi said, clapping the genius on the back. "But we can put that task together with the other footage."

"But-but-but this is important!" Reid whined.  
>Garcia laughed. "I promise I will give this footage top priority, my little Einstein!"<p>

Slightly mollified, Reid dropped into a chair. "Alright."

After a moment, Hotch continued. "Okay. So Prentiss, Morgan, what did you get?"

"Well, there are only a handful that we can be certain were stolen." Prentiss said. "We passed those ones on to Garcia."

"Okay, Garcia?" Hotch asked.

"Well, here's the thing. There haven't been a whole lot of overlap in people around the areas. But out of all the tapes, the majority did have one who was in the vicinity, if not immediately near the object."

"Who?" Reid breathed desperately.

"Anderson."


	7. Chapter 7

Ch7

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

"That makes sense!" Reid exclaimed. "You realize he's only really around when something big happens? I'm going to go arrest him." He headed towards the door but his way was blocked by Hotch.

"Reid," Hotch said, " Anderson works here. He's bound to show up on the surveillance tapes. If you watch them, we're probably on them too. Does that mean any of us are the kleptomaniac?"

"Well, of course not but-" Behind Reid, Rossi made an odd noise into his hand.

"All the evidence is circumstantial, Reid." Hotch continued sternly. He knew his team would have to talk to other people but he wanted it done professionally. "Seaver, Prentiss? Maybe you should be the ones who talk to him. Try and keep it light and friendly. Don't take him into a separate room or anything, just make it seem like you were passing by and decided to chat."

"On it." Prentiss replied and Seaver nodded as the two of them left.

"Garcia, I want you to go over the tapes and zoom in to see if you can find Anderson actually taking anything."

"Aye, aye, Captain!" Garcia chirped and followed Seaver and Prentiss.

"Morgan, why don't you take Reid to Dunkin' Donuts and get him some coffee? Under no circumstance is he allowed to approach Anderson." Hotch smirked.

Morgan chuckled. "You got it. Come on, Pretty Boy."

"But-"  
>"Nope, you heard; Boss's orders."<p>

The two of them went towards the door and were almost out of the room when Garcia's voice drifted into the room. "THE FUCK!"


	8. Chapter 8

Ch8

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

Exchanging amused glances, Rossi and Hotch headed into the Bull Pen. Garcia was standing near the open freezer with a look that would cause the most cold-hearted psychopath to reform and fall at her feet, begging for forgiveness.  
>"Garcia..." Hotch started.<br>The other members of the team reached them. "What happened?" Prentiss asked.

"What's wrong, Baby Girl?" Morgan walked over to her.

"Who." Garcia began in a homicidal tone. "Put. My. Glasses. In. The. Freezer?" Everyone was quiet. "WHO DID IT?" She yelled.

"Garcia," Hotch spoke up in a placating tone, "Calm down. I'm-"

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" The technical analyst shrieked. "DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" She took a deep breath and added, "Sir." Then continued her tirade. "IT'S NOT YOUR GLASSES THAT WERE FROZEN LIKE VEGETABLES OR LEFTOVER LASAGNA! WHEN I FIND WHO DID THIS I'll-"  
>"Baby Girl, Baby Girl!" Morgan soothed, draping an arm across her shoulder. "I'm sure you'll kick whoever did its ass when we find him. But until then, yelling won't do any good."<p>

Garcia immediately relaxed but pouted. "My glasses have stalagmites hanging off them!"

"Technically they would be stalactites." Reid informed. "Stalag-" Garcia shot him a glare worthy of a gorgon and Reid broke of, choosing to look at his feet instead of her.

"Morgan's right." Hotch spoke up. "There's no way to find out who did this except by watching the tapes." Rossi started beside him but Hotch didn't look at his friend. "Why don't you go look at them starting with yesterday's footage? Just after the time you noticed your glasses missing?"

"Don't think I won't!" Garcia snarled and stalked back to her lair.  
>"Everybody else, back to your jobs." Hotch ordered.<p>

"Yes, sir." Seaver replied. The others just nodded and left.

"Uh, Aaron?" Rossi said, glancing around cautiously. "Maybe we should talk in your office?"

"Sure." Hotch nodded. The two headed up the stairs.

...

The moment they were alone in Hotch's office, behind the closed door, Dave opened his mouth to speak. "I know that they have to find out sometime but..."

"Don't worry." Aaron smiled. "It'll be okay."

"Are you sure? I mean Garcia's-"

"I was careful." Hotch laughed. "She won't see anything but me taking out a popsicle."

"You're certain?" Rossi took him by the shoulders.

"Of course!" Hotch gave him a playful shove. "You don't think I'd be stupid enough to let Garcia find out I took her glasses, do you? She'd kill me! Or at least make my online history highly questionable." He muttered and walked around to sit behind his desk.

"Okay, then." Rossi grinned and sat down in the chair across from his friend.

"So..." Hotch began. "What do you think we should do next?"

"I was thinking we should try Morgan next. His reaction would be the most funny."

"Not Prentiss?"

Dave shuddered. "No way. Her reaction would be scary, not funny." After a moment he added. "And Seaver's had so many stories written about her getting fired, killed, or worse that I think we should give her a break."

"Alright," Hotch smiled, "then I think we should-" He was cut off by the door slamming open against the wall as a raging Garcia stormed into the room.

"YOU!" She growled pointing at Hotch.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch9

By ROSSELLA1

Notes: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. For ranger_zenchi, Help Japan Auction.

Exchanging worried glances with Rossi, Hotch cleared his throat. "What is it, Garcia?"

"IN MY OFFICE NOW!" She shrieked and turned around, heading back.

Hotch thought about making a bee-line for the exit but knew that Garcia would find some way to lock down the building, so he just followed her. "Thanks." He muttered to Rossi, as his friend rose and followed him.

"No prob." Rossi answered, sounding just as nervous as Aaron felt.

They timidly entered her office and relaxed a bit when he saw Garcia sitting down and typing on her keyboard. "Gar-" Hotch began.

"SHHH!" She hissed. "Just watch." She clicked the mouse button and rolled away from the table. Rossi and Hotch leaned in closer to the screen. At first it seemed like they were just watching the usual people going about their jobs. Then, Aaron felt his stomach clench as he saw Morgan and Prentiss enter Garcia's office, and only a few minutes later Hotch himself. She left it on for a couple moments, but before the screen even showed him exiting, she switched to the refrigerator. They watched Anderson walk up, get something out, and then she turned off the screen. "Now can we arrest him?"

Hotch blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" Garcia snapped. With a sigh, she repeated the scenes and then looked at Hotch. "Well?"

"I don't-"

"ANDERSON!" Garcia shrieked. "He passed by my office and then minutes later was at the freezer! He's the unsub! Go arrest him!"

Hotch blinked but Rossi was quicker. "Garcia," He soothed, "I don't think we have nearly enough evidence to arrest him."

"So question him!" She snapped. "Make him confess and _then _arrest him."

"Based on what?" Hotch asked. "He walked past your door, not into the room."

Garcia stood up, and poked her finger into Hotch's chest. "He could have reached in." She waved away the excuse. "You. Go. Talk. To. Him. Or. You. Are. Fired." She gritted out, enunciating each word with a poke.

Hotch momentarily forgot that she couldn't actually fire him. "Okay." He found himself saying. He was back outside her lair, with the door closed behind him before he could think rationally again.

"Now what do we do?" Rossi asked him.

"Well…" Hotch sighed. "I guess we go question Anderson." He said and headed towards the Bull Pen.


End file.
